


braver than he thought

by edwardnygmas



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M, Reddie, Richie dies instead of Eddie, this is just sad i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 17:02:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20820740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edwardnygmas/pseuds/edwardnygmas
Summary: what if it was Richie that died instead of Eddie.





	braver than he thought

“Yippee ki aye motherf-” 

Eddie was watching the whole thing happen. 

He saw when Richie was picking up the rock, about to throw it.

He heard him taunting Pennywise.

And he saw when he became trapped in the deadlights, his body rising toward the monster above him. 

Eddie remembered how he had froze up before, how Richie could have died because he didn’t act. He couldn’t do that again, he couldn’t lose Richie. 

As Eddie gripped the spear in his hands, he thought about how safe Richie had always made him feel. He remembered how 27 years ago, Richie had made that summer the best he ever had, fighting a demonic monster included. 

Eddie thought about how Richie’s jokes always made him laugh. How being around Richie in general made him forget whatever bad thing was happening. 

Eddie thought about the feelings he had for Richie that he had known about since he was thirteen, and the way his heart had raced when he saw him again in that restaurant after all those years. 

Eddie knew that he might die trying to save Richie right then, but he realized that it was something he was willing to do. 

‘You’re braver than you think.’ 

Richie’s words played through his head as he threw the spear at the monster, and he saw Richie’s body fall to the ground. Instantly, he ran over to him, forgetting everything else around them. 

He saw Richie’s eyes blinking open, saw the dazed look on his face. 

“I think I killed it! I did! I think I killed it for real!” 

Eddie flipped over onto his back so that he was laying next to Richie, still in shock that he really did that, he really saved his life. 

Richie was starting to say something when it happened. Eddie saw the monster’s talon flying through the air towards them, but he couldn’t move fast enough to do anything about it as it pierced through Richie’s chest. He heard Beverly scream in the distance, but all he could focus on was Richie, who whispered “Eds?” in the most broken voice Eddie had ever heard. 

All he had time to say back was “Richie-” and then the monster was pulling his body away from Eddie, throwing it against the wall of the cavern. Eddie was frozen on the ground, still looking in shock at where Richie had just been lying, where there was now just a pool of blood. The others were yelling, but all that was playing in his head was Richie saying his name as he was stabbed, and Eddie felt like he was going to throw up. 

“Richie” He whispered again, in a voice too quiet for anyone to possibly hear. 

This couldn’t be happening, Eddie thought. He slowly stood up on shaky legs and saw the others crowded around the wall. He ran over to them, and saw Richie’s body leaning there, completely covered in blood. He looked at the wound, which took up his entire chest, and instantly removed his jacket, crouching down to press it to the gaping wound. Richie was grimacing in pain, and Eddie’s whole body was shaking as he held the jacket to him. 

He barely acknowledged Bill talking to him, saying that they needed to kill Pennywise, but the next thing he knew, they were gone, leaving him alone with Richie. He was hovering over his body, his bloody hands still on his chest, and Richie placed his own hand over Eddie’s. 

“Is it bad?” Richie asked, his voice shaking.

Eddie looked into his face, saw the tears in Richie’s eyes, felt the tears in his own, and said, “No, it’s not too bad.” 

He started rambling, talking too fast for Richie to even understand about how he’s spent enough time in hospitals to be able to get him fixed up, telling him over and over, “You’re gonna be ok.” 

Richie squeezed Eddie’s hand.

“If I die man, bury me next to your mom.” 

Eddie smiled through his sobbing, because of course Richie would say something like that, but then Richie reached out his hand to hold Eddie’s face, the side with the bandage that hurt like hell. The touch made his cut sting, but he didn’t care. Richie was looking at him intensely, and Eddie was desperately trying to memorize all the details of his face because as much as he was telling himself that Richie was going to be ok, it didn’t look good for him and Eddie knew it. He reached out his hand and wiped the blood away from Richie’s mouth. 

“I’m glad it was me instead of you, Eds.” 

Eddie was shaking his head, unable to formulate a response to what Richie just said because it was so fucking wrong. It should have been Eddie, he was ready to die for Richie the moment he saw him in the deadlights. 

Richie was still holding his cheek, and Eddie realized he had his hand on Richie’s face as well, and wished that this moment could be happening in any other circumstance. He thought about the various times in his life that he had wanted to tell Richie about his feelings for him, like that day in the clubhouse when they had shared the hammock. But he had kept his mouth shut because the others were all there, and he had been too embarrassed. Even after 27 years of not seeing him, Eddie still had the same feelings for the man, and had wanted to let him know, because maybe, just maybe, he would feel the same way. But just like as a kid, Eddie didn’t have the confidence for it. 

But in that moment, as Eddie looked into Richie’s teary eyes, he remembered how it was Richie who told him that he was braver than he thought. Maybe he could finally be brave enough to tell Richie this too. 

“I love you Richie.” 

Richie’s eyes widened, and he burst into a smile that looked way too happy for a dying person. 

“I love you too Eds.” 

Eddie never thought he’d hear those words, and he managed a laugh that was mostly a sob. 

Richie was still smiling as he said “Eds…” 

His words trailed off, and Eddie said “Richie?” 

When the other man didn’t respond, Eddie pulled him into his arms, hugging him and saying his name over and over. 

The others were back with them, yelling that IT was dead, really dead, and that they all needed to leave, but Eddie didn’t want to leave Richie. 

“He’s not dead! He’ll be ok, we have to bring him! He has to be ok!” 

But Ben and Bill were pulling him away, and Beverly was holding his arm.

“We need to go, we have to leave him.” 

Eddie wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Richie again and stay there, letting them die together, but he cared about his friends too, and they were begging him to leave. He finally gave in, letting his friends pull him away, but grabbing the only thing he could off of Richie before being dragged out of the house just as it collapsed. It wasn’t until he was in the lake, washing the blood off of his skin, Richie’s blood, that he saw what it was in his hands. 

Richie’s glasses. 

The next few days were a blur to Eddie, who just felt numb. He knew that it was stupid, he had gone 27 years without Richie, but he felt like he couldn’t possibly live without him. 

Richie and his jokes that always made him smile. Richie who had loved him back the whole time. 

He hadn’t told anyone, but he had divorced Myra before heading to Derry. After saying his goodbyes to everyone, he went back to New York, where he found his house empty and lonely. He went back to work, remembering how Richie had gone on and on about how boring his job sounded. He suddenly wanted to quit. 

One night, he sat on the couch to watch some tv when he saw what was on the comedy channel. It was one of Richie’s shows. 

He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as he watched the program, hearing Richie’s jokes but mostly just listening to the sound of his voice. He held Richie’s glasses gently in his hands, realizing as tears fell onto them that they were all he had left of him. 

But no, he thought, they weren’t the only thing. He remembered reading comic books together in the clubhouse all those years ago, he remembered swimming in the lake for hours on end, and he remembered Richie’s smile at the Chinese restaurant. 

He had the memories, and he always would. 

Eddie would never forget Richie Tozier again, he was sure of that. 

He watched Richie march across the stage on screen with the audience clapping loudly in the background, and he smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> I think that this was the saddest thing I've ever written tbh


End file.
